Free fall then Resurrect

You ever feel like you’re free falling??? I feel like that a lot; I didn’t know that’s what this feeling was till recently. It’s like you’re falling and you can see the inevitable and whether or not you choose to fight it your body automatically does but you know it in your heart that the obvious will happen. In this moment you see it all, it’s like a huge collage of palpable moments that just seem to appear out of nowhere to help you feel warmth or happiness or sadness or just reach a point of acceptance. You truly understand in that short space of time the true meaning of two phrases: “before you die, your life flashes before your eyes” and “life is too short”. It’s in these last few seconds, that you really see how trivial a lot of things in life really were and why it meant so much to just laugh while you had the chance. The choice to jump or that accidental step that led to this unfortunate predicament seem so minor and it just concludes that all those unimportant “why me?” you chose to dwell on didn’t matter, your only focus is the aftermath of anything you face - can you recover from it? You see these moments and despite whatever emotions they make you feel, for a brief second you finally see the beauty of life and there it is – the inevitable.

You wake up to find that it was all a dream and then everything changes.

It’s like you had an epiphany that has forced you to recognize the vitality of YOUR life and how important it is to really take heed to the fact that spiritually you’ve changed – you’ve been given a second chance. The joy you feel just seem so overwhelming to not share with those around you but then couple days pass or a week, a month or couple months and you’re a victim of those trivial actions again. To be honest I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I know its significance to me but I feel it’s one of those messages you have to interpret in your own way so maybe it’s up to you to decide how it relates to you. See I’ve learned that I and everyone else trying to motivate and inspire you people are merely assistants on your path and it’s important that both you and I recognize that. See, I can write and try to persuade you that you have the courage to overcome anything but unless you can find the strength you possess then change can never take place; in other words, I can assist you mentally but physically mate you’re on your own and that’s sad but it’s the hardcore truth. I find lately that I need to constantly remind myself of that too because I get lost in these words thinking that maybe I’ll change the world one day but it takes a lot more than words of encouragement, we both have to somehow muster up the courage to change ourselves for a better future.

I don’t even know how I digressed so far – let’s rewind.

I started to write something a while back for y’all titled resurrection and in it I said that a lot of us may have given up on the goals we once pursued and the values we once believed in and by giving up we not only lost our aspirations but ourselves as well; somewhere along the way you find that you need to resurrect that old you and everything you believed in, in order to keep going. I remember saying the world is not ready for this when I wrote it but I think if anyone wasn’t ready it was me - never be scared to call on that OLD YOU when you want to pursue those goals you once gave up on because you’ll find that as long as you’re still alive you have a second chance to do anything. I’ll end by saying this, look around the world, it’s absolutely chaotic and you can call it luck, an act of God or the universe but the fact that you get to read this post shows how bless you are - there are a lot of people not able to. Don’t wait for a life or death situation to open your eyes, embrace the feeling of freedom while you still have it.

Define Yourself (A poem)

They took the perfect canvas

and they painted it white,

then they chose to get creative

and it hurt me that I didn’t fight,

they said they knew me

filled my head with all their expectations,

and I found myself believing that was me

that those things they said were my intentions,

and somewhere down the line

I created this personality,

one I smiled with

but the mirror proudly concealed.

Time came like a disease 
and weakened me,

and I took it as a sign

that this personality

that seemingly made me happy

was slowly killing me,

all those smiles I forced,

all those convos I hosted,

that wasn’t me.

Someone told me once

there’s only so long you could pretend to be happy,

there’s only so long you can pretend to be

someone you weren’t meant to be.

So I took some time out

to really address the issue

and the more I did

there came the tissues,

I heard if you want to change

you have to start from the inside,

but my heart and my mind

well, let’s just say their intentions fail to coincide;

I found myself thinking that maybe

I sent myself away for far too long,

that maybe, just maybe

it was time to sing that person a farewell song.

But it was you that made me think

fool, what are you on?

emotionally you’re dialing 911

but there’s a reason there’s no response.

One day I looked in the mirror

and I really started to f**k with sorrow,

I started to drill,

all those insecurities started to spill,

and like all those shrill cries

my heart slowly died,

and I felt like I was  left with nothing 

but the unwelcoming company of disgrace,

but then I looked at your so-call masterpiece,

and every single paint drop lifted from where it laid,

and that's when it came, 
that moment of freedom - that deep sigh,

and that was when I announced that person

had passed, that fool had died.

I grabbed a pen and some paper

and for once it wasn’t going to scribble notes of deception,

I needed a list for what I did and didn’t stand for

I needed self-actualization,

because you made me doubt my potential,

I believed your approval was essential

but no more – no, more.

I was determined to start over,

I thought maybe that would help me define this character

because if I didn’t get my act together

the aftermath was something I couldn’t bear to picture.

And right now it doesn’t hurt,

if you're at all concerned

because I understand that needed to happen,

I felt like I needed to burn

just to learn, what it is I really yearned.

It was in a moment of deep solitude

that I found perfection,

when I took up the mirror

and said be your own inspiration,

and that person looked back and said

"you decided to let the world know about you,

the when, where, why and whos about you,

I lost your reasons for staying in the shadows,

why you spent so much time, trying to seem shallow,

I don’t know why you chose to wallow,

or why you chose to follow,

why you felt the need to commit

or felt the need to do anything

to alleviate any pain they were feeling,

by following through with that unforgivable lie

it was your happiness you sacrificed,

If you don’t speak out now

you might never do it,

I’ll hold your hand as you declare it,

I’ll be the person you confide in,

and if it comes down to it

I’ll be that shoulder when you crying,

be yourself darling

because when it comes down to it,

it’s the only way you’ll truly be happy. ”

Remember that day

you told yourself,

YOU define YOU

don’t leave it in the hands of them,

well listen to yourself,

be YOU for YOU

because that much YOU OWE YOURSELF.

Hey Folks...

This month surrounds a theme called “Define Yourself” and it’s a theme I needed this year, especially for this month because I feel like I’ve faced so much changes over the course of the year and it’s time to really define this new person I’ve become as weird as that sounds. So confession time! I signed up to blogger as a sort of academic requirement and I wasn’t planning on  using it at all until I was somehow persuaded to write a few things by this really nice young lady I hang out with… She’s a fashionista and a great blogger, check her out. http://hellorasida.blogspot.co.uk/

Anyway, when I started this blog everything was so directionless; therefore, I thought it would be wise to give it a very broad title that would allow me to just ramble on about anything. However, when I posted the first post I thought it had this sort of optimistic, philosophical aura, which was really different from anything else I’ve written and I remember thinking consistency was going to be a major problem. I developed this sudden interest for quotes last year and it led to me unknowingly creating my own for the first post and I thought wait, why not make quotes a reoccurring factor in the blog – so I did. Valentine’s week came around and I wrote two poems and that caught me off guard because the only time I’ve ever written poetry is when I’m asked, forced or faced with the unusual urge to just write one (but I’m pretty sure I could count on one hand how much poems I’ve written in my entire life prior to starting this blog) and love is a topic that is very rare in my work, so I was amazed by how well those poems turned out. Then came my first rap-etry piece which stemmed from a poem I started to write but found myself later rapping; the interesting thing is I feel rap-etry is a remarkable technique to use if you want to slaughter issues you feel passionate about (despite me using it to stupidly attack Autumn). I feel to really do rap-etry justice you'll need a lot of passion for a cause and a sort of deep rooted interest for that particular art and that’s just never been my lane. However, I like a good challenge so I’ve decided that when it comes to discussing more controversial topics I’ll definitely launch a few y’all way. The main point is one post led to the next and it sort of all fell into place; I’m trying to show that there are these little unnoticeable steps we take in life that leads to something much larger, but that’s just one of my many reasons for writing this post.

My initial intention surrounded this idea of simply addressing certain topics from a superficial perspective in order to avoid posting anything too personal or controversial.  Truth is I knew by doing that, I’d be robbing the blog of having a personality and I think that was just extremely sad because in my opinion, one crucial element that makes a written piece really great is that engaging identity it emits if that makes any sense. Most importantly, I knew I wouldn’t be giving this blog my very best and that’s something that disappointed me because I feel whenever you’re given a platform you should stomp the hell out of it until you leave your mark, but yet that was exactly what I wasn’t doing. I think it’s time to really change my initial approach to achieve that and that’s another reason for writing this.

I was talking to someone earlier this year and I remember he gave me some sage advice about incorporating my own experiences, emotions and so forth into my blog and I remember telling him that it wasn’t something I’m keen about doing because to be honest, at the time the whole candid divulging thing was just not something I did publicly, but he was right and I knew it. I don’t know if that led to me slowly unveiling because somewhere down the line I went and wrote that Dear Mom post and I swore that I wouldn’t post anything as personal as that again, but here I am about to take this to another level and it feels weird but I think somehow it’s needed.

Looking back I feel like maybe I should have examine the actions of other bloggers - really assess their approach to their blogs before launching mine - especially since the pieces written in my spare time is so different from blogging materials. To be honest, I didn’t do my research because I’ve always felt so strongly about running my own lane and just letting the pieces fall where they may, but the thought of longevity pertaining to my writing in general didn’t even occur to me until now. I feel like whenever you pursue anything in life you take these routes you think you’re aware of and will be content with and without noticing you find out you have to take a step back and really dwell on how best to approach things in a manner that is more you and will guarantee personal fulfillment. Honestly speaking, I feel like I’ve found my standpoint now – I’m ready to really feed you folks what you subconsciously desire – the truth, at least my truth I should say.

My main reason for telling you all this is because I’m planning on really blessing this blog by sharing my knowledge about various things and I’ll do so by sharing messages I’ve learned from events that have occurred or yet to occur and I might finally share a few stuff from my personal collection (we never know). I’ll still be posting my philosophical pieces (as I like to call them), but I feel as though they’re not brutally attacking the topics I’m trying to address head on and that’s my fault because originally I chose to dilute them before serving it to you folks; my aim right now is to make them more down to earth and entertaining but at the same time really blunt yet heartfelt as well. Hopefully, I’ll post a lot more poems (I’m really enjoying those) and you’ll definitely be getting a few more rap-etry because personally I want to see what I can bring to the table, especially since I’ve got so much monthly themes in mind. I will tell you this though, starting today I will make sure that this blog undergoes some profound changes and by doing so, hopefully I’ll open a few minds when thinking about various issues because BRINGING A POSITIVE CHANGE is the overall goal folks.

Before we end this, I want to say that instead of jumping straight into my first post earlier this year, I should have took the time to introduce myself – My name is AKIL and  this blog folks is called Life’s lessons - I hope you enjoy it – READ AWAY!

The Fall (Rap-etry #1)

After I verbally assaulted summer I knew you were coming for me.

I heard your actions are the start of a cold catastrophe

so I’m prepared, I’m ready.

I heard you start off with a warning,

rain fall like surrendering knees,

trees like skin peels

and leaves fall – is that my destiny?

You threatening me?

You ain’t even began and you colder than you need to be, it ain’t my fault winter is who you trying be. I told Summer to walk away, nicely, it’s not my fault she took it offensively. There’s jackets you know, don’t think your low temperatures gonn scare me, I was born to withstand sleet, so don’t even think too deep about trying to freeze me.

You know children hate you right?

They say you’re that mean back to school season

and I’m the one always defending you,

you little demon,

but it’s o.k. you walk away

and I’ll let bygones be bygones,

I can forgive you

for coming off colder than Simon.

You’re gonna be here regardless, we can pay each other very little notice or we could just get along, end this back and forth game of ping pong. Do your thing, I’ll do mine, despite your dire need to bring them frostbites, I won’t worry, I won’t sweat it, September is my month, I’m planning on enjoying it.

    

I’m Leaving (Summer poem #4)

It saddens me to say it

but it’s true I’m leaving,

actually that’s a lie

I’m kind of excited;

to be honest

I was getting homesick,

O.k that’s a lie,

but it needed to end

to be a beautiful memory.

The plane journey was fine

and I enjoyed everywhere I dined.

I got to see the family,

July 4^th caught me and some fireworks red-handed

trying to abuse the hell out of Miami.

I got to stop by a university,

saw the steps, strolls and salutes

of a few frats and sororities,

even learnt something myself

now that was a beauty,

heard some new music,

saw some cultural dances,

experienced their nightlife

no beaches this time -

sad really.

Met a few new people,

the banters were unbelievable,

shout out to them for being hospitable.

I helped out a charity,

took part in a few events

then left happy;

got some cool gear

so to everyone, CHEERS!

I took some photos

with a few local attractions,

you might get to see some

with a few fancy captions,

took part in a fake video party -

for promotional purposes obviously.

I was inspired

by a lot of things – definitely,

that’s the reason these words

made it to your eyelids,

I had a blast, I admit it,

but we all know that was just one stop

on this incredible journey.

I came, breathe everything in

then exhaled a new person,

so if you hear something new,

something fresh,

feel happy, feel bless,

I got a new genius I want

to bless your soul with,

so stay tuned for the new posts that’ll be coming,

you never know they might be life-changing.

How about possibilities (Summer poem #3)

I need to work on my time management skills because this poem is long overdue but I feel like it's the best poem I've written so far - I hope you folks enjoy it!!! 

A season like this bring changes,

enjoyment,

more anticipation than you can imagine

for someone like me

so I take advantage:

might go canoeing or hit a late night pool party,

invite a few friends over

to storm my dad’s cellar and pantry,

may rent out a gym or stadium even

or I might take it easy

watch a fantasy or write some poetry,

either way anything is possible really.

How about a holiday?

You wanna come with me?

We could hit the Caribbean, Asia or Paris,

try out some of their fine dishes.

We could stop in Rome, go see the Colosseum,

one or two galleries and the Pantheon.

We could touch down in Spain,

watch the amazement that surrounds

the lights illuminating the magic fountain.

Switzerland, Russia, Italy, Turkey, Ukraine…

How about the UK?

Scotland? Wales?

Ireland – Fermanagh sounds great.

We could hijack a plane

take pleasure in terrorizing hostages –

nah, that one you can go ahead, do without me.

No seriously, this is the time for greatness,

let’s do something life-changing,

something epic,

something that will leave history’s jaws dropping;

I suggest we go get Jackie,

try to travel around the world in 79 days,

stop by the shoot of Rush Hour three

to tell Chris to do a dumb pose – Cheese!

Why your eyes wide?

Why you laughing?

I ain’t even gotten started.

Road trip - 50 states sound interesting,

we gotta stop somewhere that has a subway,

get some cookies

my sister loves those little things.

Aah, let’s invent something

or maybe we can go back in history,

ask Cleopatra where she hid her Jewelry

then return and eBay it!

Then go on a quest for a few more relics.

We could become members of a royal family

better yet abolish slavery completely,

bear witness to MLK’s speech

or Mary Anning’s legendary discovery,

we could film what really led to their extinction

now wouldn’t that be a remarkable revelation.

Could see if mutants really existed

and witness how sweet their powers really tasted,

ride on the back of a dragon

or see how the world really began,

live like a caveman

or watch something a witch concoct,

then copy it perhaps.

Go to Greece and witness the first Olympics

or just fight alongside Hercules.

We could observe the bravery of bestiarii

then make up for it

by returning to the BCE era

meditate with Buddha,

or help out with some freedom movements

by assisting a few legends,

Mrs. Tubman, Lincoln, Moses and Gandhi,

take Newton’s ear and whisper gravity,

take part in one of Shakespeare’s famous scenes,

before returning to create our modern rifacimento

or join Miss Lisa to be a masterpiece of The Great Leonardo.

We could drug Moore,

slip under his gear

and drop that touchdown he made in the 60’s,

sneak in the locker room

and steal Johnny U’s jersey. 

Wouldn’t it be great if I pull that stunt on Armstrong,

then I’ll be the first man on the moon,

now that’ll be cool.

What if I did the same to Amelia Earhart?

They’ll never know  a man had anything to do with it,

it will be our little secret.

We could hang with Irwin in his prime

just to tease a few crocodiles.

We could commit lese majeste,

let's think who could be so lucky-

Got it!

Let’s run up on Hitler

and shave his moustache,

put it in a bag then amuse a crowd

by nailing it in a larch.

How about freezing time to get a glimpse of Miss Monroe’s bits,

now that’s just violating

forgive my nasty  mentality,

back to the 21^st century

which reminds me, look who is in the white house,

if you believe possibilities aren't endless

get your brain cells out that bigoted shell.

So, how about it?

You wanna hit the waves out in Cali,

climb Mount Everest

or pester those faces

popping out of Mount Rushmore,

what’s a trip without a few detours.

How about India?

I can see us outside the Taj Mahal.

China? I can hear the wall’s call.

Air ballooning, bungee jumping,

mountain climbing,

Bays of Fires -

you feel like hiking?

We could go skiing

or bike riding

look out at Lake Tahoe

as we kill that Rim trail

then set sail

to a remote place.

We could do a lot more;

You wanna visit the future

return with a cure

for AIDS, cancer, diabetes

or poliomyelitis.

You feel like being imaginative?

Don’t act so tentative,

we could go see if robots will be destructive

or if Aliens would invade our planet,

or whether humanity has any other reasons to worry,

then return with a time machine

to satisfy the voracious appetite

of these scientists.

So, how about it?

Hey you still got time

you decide,

we could just get off Earth

and go chill on the rings of Saturn;

we got seven continents

and god knows how many other planets

waiting.

I’ll be here packing,

let me know if you coming.

Sky stop! Choose already (Summer poem #2)

I wonder if you witness our monstrous actions sometimes

and if in your own way you’re just trying to say not this time.

When you became enraged

and told the clouds to let us have it,

was that a warning

or were you just suffering from mood swings?

I don’t get it

sometimes you’re calm

next minute here comes your palms

covering us in anguish,

experiencing distress,

looking like a proud promoter for unkemptness.

Are you finish?

I can’t distinguish

whether you’re

here to help

or leave us imitating stupid.

Sometimes, I think it’s a nice summer day

it will definitely stay sunny,

next minute here comes heavy rain and high winds.

Do you find it funny?

You lost me – tell me!

What’s your objective?

I use to think that you were the home of angels,

but I soar through you and there’s nothing more cold

and fearful than being in your presence.

You planning on ever just settling down

and just being happy,

or are we constantly going to play victim

to your curse of unpredictability?

Sky listen, choose already

because it’s summer and I told fun I’m ready. 

Summer is that you??? (Summer poem #1)

The summer has been quite an experience and so I haven't had the opportunity to post much but since it is coming to an end, I thought now would be the perfect time to feed you folks a few summer poems - I hope you enjoy them all, here's the first one!

I would ask if that’s you Summer but I got the message.

You declared war when your troublesome flowers rose up

and invaded my line of vision,

when Mr. Sun forced me to run for protection,

constantly attacking my fridge

parched as hell,

had me endlessly seeking shade

just to escape his wicked spell,

you can tell him

he was a great delegate -

I got the message!

                                        

You’re horrible you know that?

I beg you every year to stay away

but either you’re just being devious

or you’ve gone deaf.

I told you last year

if you paid me a visit this year

then my allergies would as well,

but you came nonetheless.

This morning, I saw Mrs. Pollen

teaching her 100 daughters

to dance elegantly across my path,

laughing as though she was extremely proud

they’d left me distraught.

I just spoke to the concrete

even it’s gotten sick of your heat.

I know you’re not on good terms with Mr. Breeze

but tell him to get off his seat

and join you immediately

because this is just crazy.

I love the opportunity to see some new fashion

and visit some of your seasonal attractions,

but I’ll settle with whatever the TV has to offer.

And I’m grateful for the opportunity to hit the beach

but enough is enough,

I’ll consult my bathtub

for a luxury as such.

The noise from your fellow supporters,

enjoying the parks, their gardens - my street,  

is getting annoying,

I’ve heard enough talking.

I don’t care about your wonderful effects

every year they return and I’m still not impress,

you need to go, I tried telling you nicely

please don’t let me have to shout,

and ice cream prices has risen,

what’s that about?

I must admit though

you’re more exciting than your other siblings;

O.k maybe not Spring

she’s more sympathetic

and she actually listens,

maybe if you did Autumn wouldn’t choose to invade your parade.

The news said this is the hottest you’ve been in a decade,

you need to stop showing off,

there’s only so much blame global warming is willing to take

before it retaliates

and we all get a taste of its rage,

so Summer, go away,

just be nice and kindly walk away.

No, I’m kidding you can stay,

just go easy on us all, O.K?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE SISTER!!!

Finally got it -  About time! I feel like we've been waiting forever for this and here it is thanks to you my kind and loving sister. I'm 200 pages in and it's great, after the last book I thought Anthony couldn't pull off a gripping conclusion to the series but the changes he made to each character is remarkable, there are some unexpected twists but you'll enjoy it - I won't spoil it for you! I hope you enjoy it when it's your time to read it... On a different note I want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, your finally legal to do some things, I hope you enjoy it, god bless you, we wish you plenty more blessed years and WE LOVE YOU CHUBBY!!!

Let me grieve my Yesterdays!

“You always used to say I should be thankful for everyday…I just can't believe you're gone, still waiting for morning to come, wanna see if the sun will rise even without you by my side… I know I'll see you again, I'm sure. No, it's not selfish to ask for more, one more night, one more day, one more smile on your face… I thought our days would last forever but it wasn't our destiny 'cause in my mind we had so much time but I was so wrong… They can take tomorrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we'll never play, all the broken dreams take everything, just take it away but they can never have yesterday… Now I can believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made” – Leona Lewis (Song: Yesterday).

I don’t know the right things to say when it comes to sorrow; I've never been the comforting type, but I know if I tell you things will get better and one day all the hurt and pain you feel will slowly fade and you’ll eventually know when it’s right to move on and all those wonderful things, I’d feel as though I’m a hypocrite, despite the great degree of truth it holds. I think in times of grief it’s best you allow yourself to embrace everything you feel, absolutely everything because holding everything in only hurts more and whether or not you know it grief has its own way of catching up with us eventually.

Someone once said when a wound is fresh all sense of morality & care disappears and I believe that’s true. I also feel that similar to a wound there’s these little things you need to do before you cover it up and hope it heals. The path grief takes you down is unthinkable sometimes but the road you travel when you ignore dealing with it is rough, tiring, painful and often revengeful. I think in our hearts we make these little plans and sometimes life has this dreadful way of turning our expected tomorrows into yesterdays. I say grieve, mourn your loss, despite what others think or feel you should do, it doesn't matter it’s your life and I say when or if you’re ever ready to move on and I hope you will be then you go ahead and do so. In the meantime I’ll leave you with this…

“You’re grieving for the future and all the plans and dreams you had in your head and now that’s all gone. There’s a wonderful saying - you have to give up the life you've planned, to find the life that’s waiting for you. All our lives we – we grow by giving up things, by loss and, and moving on, big things, little ones, how we handle those losses really defines who we are… You have to be able to hear what’s next in your life, what path you might want to travel down.” - Brothers and Sisters (Series 5, episode 5).

Take it from me grieve but give yourself a chance, listen to your heart, believe in time things will get better and when it’s time to move on do so. It doesn't mean you’re giving up on your past, it just means you’re willing to give the future a chance; it means you’re willing to give yourself a chance at – happiness or something else.