My Lover 'Loud' (Poem)

Smoking on this loud
paper and trees alight these thoughts
now I'm trapped in this mind,
marginalized on these pages I write,

limbs and organs like spaces broken to fit between words,

fighting to find meaning behind inaudible feelings.

Trapped,
like you in this photograph
an eternal smile
but you didn't depart in that fashion
you didn't hold unto that joy.
Ashes to ashes,
the Earth you rejoined.
I lost hope but you clinged unto my soul,
the part that shared some desire to be good,
the part that you somehow tamed a long time ago.
Now I smoke
remembering how many times you choked
on a roll big as oak.
We were cold
that december, roof top in New York
you in my arm as we shivered our way into slumber by the fireplace,
finding myself in my last 8th.
Trying get to 2 gram
but there was no limit man.
I was alone
few years later
drying my tears on that same rooftop
approaching another december.
We said we'd make memories
just for us two,
you promised you'd never let the voices intervene our love,
I'd forever be your muse.
I had to hurt you
and while your heart bled,
I bagged your pain up
laced it inside my green
now we both took a L.

I hope my memory leave bygones be

and you'll follow your internal map to 'happy'.

I still wear your shirt,

picture smelling your cologne

though it's long faded

I still picture you and me jaded

On the right side of the bed

as my debates went left

leading to arguments.

I get it
I showed no indication to change,
still chilled with my same lames,
chasing fame
in the worst ways,
groupies getting treated like they were on holiday,
time after time you forgave
but as easy as it was to start a new page
I'd flip back to my old ways.
I'm glad you surrendered,
gave up on me,
you were unhealthy,
now my footsteps are goal oriented
I'm eco friendly...
Strictly green!

I go hulk on some paper,

I avenged, smash, lust, repeat,

grind, weigh, rub,

roll, spit, roll, light, whiff, whiff whiff whiff whiff whi...

I blow my lover regularly

The type of sex only my mental can truly secure a release.