I've been thinking about the bad I've done a lot lately; I don't try to rationalize or justify it anymore, I just find myself contemplating my wrongdoings until someone snaps me out of deep reflection. I use to think I was a bad person but I came across a lot of evil since then - demons my actions can never hold a torch to and they seem to lack remorse. I wonder if they think about the bad they've done too. I use to observed their actions, I think somewhere down the line it made me cold, consequently trust and love fell off the table for me. I use to wait for winter to see if it was possible for a cold heart to feel any colder given that it was already accustomed to such temperatures.
I noticed with a lot of 'these evils' they had an anchor. They tried not to admit it but their actions were snitches - they always had an anchor. I'm talking about someone that kept them from going completely nuclear! The problem is they know every bad they carry out loosens the rope on their anchor, they know every bad brings them closer to losing the only person/persons that see the tiny bit of good gripping the hem of their souls for dear life but yet it shocks them when that anchor somehow loses its grip and float away with the tide due to their actions. They're always shocked! Then here comes the nukes. I've been watching a lot of Marvel television as of late, the new superheroes gracing our screens are very flawed: some suffering from addictions, involved in assasinations, incapable of hiding their true identities, etc. Our so called heroes have really crossed over into the grey zone and marched head first into the land of darkness carrying out the most heinous acts but they are still seen as heros and it begs the question do the worst among us see themselves as good. I mean I can only speak on my behalf but the bad I've done I did because I felt I had to in order to survive or simply get what I wanted but does that make me good, I don't think so. However I can see why one would think otherwise, especially in a world in which we're taught to defend what is ours, 'life is not fair' and acquire the most, almost at any cost necessary, from a very early age. I can see why our wires gets easily tangled and we fall very short of perfection very easily. Maybe bad is the new good.
Today I woke up thinking about a particular someone, a soul that did a lot of bad in order to gain a lot of good and I admired how thin the line that separated their black and white reality from the thirst of the grey area is. This person went toe to toe with a lot of giants and David them all but I wondered at what cost. Do they stay awake at night being haunted by their demons. I wonder if I'm only a few nights or months away from those hauntings myself. I wonder if their soul is in line for that well known fire that haunts the pits of that infamous place we're all trying to avoid. Personally, I decided a long time ago I'm ok with that being my final destination as long as I know in this life I did what I had to.
I came across a lot of sheeps in wolf's clothing but overtime they did become wolf, I guess the saying 'if you quack like a duck then you're a duck' is true. I don't know where I'm heading with this post so I'm just going to say I don't think it matters if you're good, bad or evil just accept the consequences no matter how mournful or detrimental they are. If you want to walk through life head high doing the worst of the worst then don't kneel and beg at the sight of death just be ready to give the scythe carrier one hell of a fight. I know I will!
No comments:
Post a Comment