In time I wait (Poem)

I remember here,
me and you
stuck in that ancient cycle of abuse.
I would watch the clock
hoping the tables would turn like its hands,
but time after time I allowed the same excuses to fly 
while I silently waited, 

with my faith ever loyal by my side.
I knew you enjoyed my fight,
every ounce you got, you fed,
it made you strong knowing you'd eventually leave my hope dead.
Now my happiest of moments feel shorter than a breath,
because you stole so much leading up to the wake of my confidence.

Habitual offender
yet I let you off scott free,
and with each day,
your bs stole another chunk of me.
I grew wiser knowing I'm the fool
and I'll go grey knowing I'm still being abused.
Every unknown bruise I accredit to you,
who else cared enough to leave a mark - just you.
I find myself stuck between growth and your place,
that place you created for little old defenceless me to feel safe.
Some nights I still wait.
Some nights I really wait!
Laying there, mind lost in space,
trying prepare, soaked in fear,
and I wait, to hear your footsteps,
my heartbeat racing with every one
then you'd hop in bed,
the stench of your breath as it traces my neck,
the whispers of you trying wake the seemingly dead,
as you begin to caress,
I'd say I'm tired but
I'm then greeted by force,
not respect.

I been trying find peace and order
in that order,

anything to keep you and mind on two different planes.
but I know you have my heart on call
in my mind I return to that cycle everyday.

Some nights I still wait.

I still wait.
Though in the back of mind I know things have changed,
some nights I still wait.
Some nights I still cry,
but when the sound of my sobs fill the air
and I feel the dampness of each tear
and there's no rustling of keys, no footsteps,
no creaking of my door or banging of my bedframe, no whispers,
I feel the change!
I know there's change,
but I still wait.
Somewhere in that solace
between each teardrop I find peace
and though I know it's short lived
and a memory or two of what you did
will soon steal my joy again
I embrace what little tranquil
the good lord has granted.
I do wish you well
and I wish the poor soul that now waits
with the same fear someday escapes
as well.
I wish them well.
I wish you, well.