I MADE IT!

A decade ago I prophecied that this past year was going to be tumultuous and consequently it would draw me closer to god - I'm pleased to say that's not the case. Let's just say myself and god need to remain at a safe distance. Anyway, where I'm from we take prophecies and signs very seriously so despite the moves I made this year and my efforts to stay positive, I was always waiting for the bridges I was building to collapse. A lot of things had transpired since last September and to be honest I've faced more struggles than I care to share. I'm still trying to forgive myself for a lot of choices I've made but who am I kidding I'd make the same ones again given the chance. I'm still hurting myself in the most unseen obscene ways but that's my journey to endure and my fight to win, I'll get there. For now I'm learning to slowly leave those internal scars to heal while also learning to give myself a fighting chance in the process. I sacrificed more than I can ever put into words and anyone who ended up being collateral over the past couple of years, I honestly don't have it in me to pretend to be sad, no one is more glad to lay on the bed of mess they've made more than I am. Trust me though, by hurting you or creating whatever vibes between us, I put you first, you're just not able to see it yet, but all in due time. Anyway enough about y'all.

I been reflecting on so much lately: it feels like 5 minutes ago I was this kid stuck in the rottening left liver of my ghetto in Jamaica watching these country white kids in Dawson's Creek, knowing I didn't belong in either settings, but seeking their experiences and level of intelligence whilst feeling like I was an outcast in my community to then be adopted by English streets only to feel even more lost yet strangely fulfilled and then years later being granted the privilege of leaving my footsteps on the land of the free... Ironically nothing is free. I been working myself to the bone and I can't tell you how it makes me feel 'cause I'm not sure I feel anything. I just see green lights. On another note, It's been weird taking necessary steps to get my talents some notoriety but I'm enjoying the journey thus far. Like I said all I see is green lights so I don't stop to strategize or think, I just distribute. Maybe I'll pause and switch up my approach, time will tell. For now I feel good knowing I was doing a little more than I was last year. The other day I heard this voice passing through the wind, it told me this blog will be a success, I guess time will tell about that prophecy too.

I am writing this to say I'm trying to do so much with the life I've been given and the time I have left and I suggest you do the same. I made it to a point I know who I am in this moment and maybe tomorrow something will change but as humans we subconsciously seek that need to find one's self so in this moment I'll revel in the joy of knowing I know who Akil is 'for now'. I find more and more life keeps granting me opportunities I think are outside my capabilities or I feel unready for but I deserve it. (This is what I want you to be aware of) if an opportunity has been given to you then you've earned it in some way, shape or form SO MAKE THE MOST OF IT. This is not about proving you're worthy but simply making sure that when you look back on this moment in time you can say I GAVE IT MY BEST and teust I will give it my best!

Right now I can honestly say I don't care about the definition of 'happy' or the feeling itself because I think it's more rare than people think to genuinely feel it, but joy, joy is a girl I know very well. We seem to have a friends with benefit type of thing going on so she comes and goes as she pleases but in this moment I can say she's here and we're about to have one hell of a time. Today is my birthday and I'm just glad I made it through another challenging f**king year a damn conqueror. Cheers to f**king up this new year of mines and may I crush every mutherf**king obstacle that steps in my way!