4 years ago I was at the foot of another presidential election - my first presidential election - but despite the same quantity of publicised low blows somehow nothing feels quite ironic this time around. Anyway, I was living with three cool strangers at the time and a debate about immigration brought to light a few differences in opinions. I am pro immigration, mainly because I'm an immigrant but more importantly, I feel everyone should be given the opportunity to have a better life and be able to help their family and friends back home, that are less fortunate than they are. To be honest I don't care if they enter a country illegally or through the proper channels just as long as they hustle and be aware there's consequences for their approachs. I remember one of the reasons that arised against immigration was the data that exposed the surprisingly low number of immigrants that after emigrating and achieving success then turned around to help their country or their loved ones - I was mindboggled. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why there were so many people that turned their backs on doing the 'right thing'. I thought there were more people like myself! I admit I came across a few on the other side of the coin but I chopped it up to selfishness or just the admittance of defeat, still the statistics was edged deep in my mind ever since that cold night in November. I just couldn't understand not wanting to help those who needed it or at least sharing a fraction of the joy you felt on the more developed side of the fence. It took 4 years but I finally understand the heart of 'The selfish'.
I never considered myself a religious or spiritual person despite my religious affiliations or beliefs growing up but I think my soul was always subconsciously spiritual. For as long as I could remember my mind has always echoed the words "no hard feelings, I wish you well", and I never truly understood why, so I chopped it up to the swift efforts of my soul trying to cling to the residue of what little positive, optimistic energy the universe served me after each betrayals and let downs I endured. I was wrong! I knew for awhile now that my soul was unravelling but I chose to pay very little attention because I knew my foundation (family) would remain intact, I was wrong! If there's one thing you should know about me it's that I was built on family values - unstable values - none out of love but pure loyalty and I stood by those values and fight to develop love so it could be the glue for all these loyal components to hold together. However, circumstances repeatedly led me to assess the actions of my family and sadly I hear the words get louder in my mind time after time "no hard feelings, I wish you well", nonetheless helping them and giving back to my country has always been at the forefront of my actions. I sacrificed more than I can put into words in pursuit of fighting for others before I would myself. Truth is I can't remember the last time I put myself first or did anything just out of pure selfishness beyond buying a few pieces of clothings and the sad truth is that doesn't sadden me; it's a price I chose to pay a long time ago and I became at peace with that. Unfortunately, like I said my soul has slowly been unravelling and after 25+ years of fighting for those I call blood so is my foundation, so are my values.
4 years ago I couldn't picture why anyone would not want to help strengthen the country they fled or help better the conditions of those they call family but I get it now. See lately I came to the realisation that sometimes no matter how important someone is to you and vice versa, personal pride sometimes trumps love and so does blind faith. You can walk in your truth and try to ensure others know it's ok for them to do the same but even those closest to you have an idea of what they want you to be and rather than fighting for the you presented to them, they choose to fight for the you they want to see. That's fine but before you put aside everything you deeply desire for yourself and fall victim to the image they want to see, think about who really suffers at the hands of someone else's happiness. The truth is that person no matter how dear is fighting for themselves so why should you feel guilty for doing the same. Silencing your character ends in 2 ways - resentment or suicide, neither should be a choice. I won't make neither a choice! The way I see it there's only one decision that ends well... I choose to wish you the very best, may we all recieve success in our future endeavors. NO HARD FEELINGS!
Someone reluctantly asked me a few days ago 'are you happy', I told them the truth : happiness was never on my agenda I'm good feeling good with being good. This individual thought that was stupid, "everyone should aim to be happy!" he said. Truth is I purposely steered off that path for the pursuit of personal happiness a very long time ago because this world wouldn't understand how far from normal my idea of happiness is and it didn't fit the mission at hand (to give back). Not to mention I think that idea/picture has drastically morphed into something I can't quite decipher as of late and I don't care to investigate, so I chose to be good just solely focused on opening doors for my family and for my country. However, after everything I've come to realised lately, I think it's time to fall back and help from a safe distance better yet let everyone help themselves from now on! I want those that played a part in my growth to know I thank you for more than you'll ever know, and I really hope you fight to give yourself the absolute best because I'm going to work on giving myself just that... All the best!
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