Define Yourself (A poem)

They took the perfect canvas

and they painted it white,

then they chose to get creative

and it hurt me that I didn’t fight,

they said they knew me

filled my head with all their expectations,

and I found myself believing that was me

that those things they said were my intentions,

and somewhere down the line

I created this personality,

one I smiled with

but the mirror proudly concealed.

Time came like a disease 
and weakened me,

and I took it as a sign

that this personality

that seemingly made me happy

was slowly killing me,

all those smiles I forced,

all those convos I hosted,

that wasn’t me.

Someone told me once

there’s only so long you could pretend to be happy,

there’s only so long you can pretend to be

someone you weren’t meant to be.

So I took some time out

to really address the issue

and the more I did

there came the tissues,

I heard if you want to change

you have to start from the inside,

but my heart and my mind

well, let’s just say their intentions fail to coincide;

I found myself thinking that maybe

I sent myself away for far too long,

that maybe, just maybe

it was time to sing that person a farewell song.

But it was you that made me think

fool, what are you on?

emotionally you’re dialing 911

but there’s a reason there’s no response.

One day I looked in the mirror

and I really started to f**k with sorrow,

I started to drill,

all those insecurities started to spill,

and like all those shrill cries

my heart slowly died,

and I felt like I was  left with nothing 

but the unwelcoming company of disgrace,

but then I looked at your so-call masterpiece,

and every single paint drop lifted from where it laid,

and that's when it came, 
that moment of freedom - that deep sigh,

and that was when I announced that person

had passed, that fool had died.

I grabbed a pen and some paper

and for once it wasn’t going to scribble notes of deception,

I needed a list for what I did and didn’t stand for

I needed self-actualization,

because you made me doubt my potential,

I believed your approval was essential

but no more – no, more.

I was determined to start over,

I thought maybe that would help me define this character

because if I didn’t get my act together

the aftermath was something I couldn’t bear to picture.

And right now it doesn’t hurt,

if you're at all concerned

because I understand that needed to happen,

I felt like I needed to burn

just to learn, what it is I really yearned.

It was in a moment of deep solitude

that I found perfection,

when I took up the mirror

and said be your own inspiration,

and that person looked back and said

"you decided to let the world know about you,

the when, where, why and whos about you,

I lost your reasons for staying in the shadows,

why you spent so much time, trying to seem shallow,

I don’t know why you chose to wallow,

or why you chose to follow,

why you felt the need to commit

or felt the need to do anything

to alleviate any pain they were feeling,

by following through with that unforgivable lie

it was your happiness you sacrificed,

If you don’t speak out now

you might never do it,

I’ll hold your hand as you declare it,

I’ll be the person you confide in,

and if it comes down to it

I’ll be that shoulder when you crying,

be yourself darling

because when it comes down to it,

it’s the only way you’ll truly be happy. ”

Remember that day

you told yourself,

YOU define YOU

don’t leave it in the hands of them,

well listen to yourself,

be YOU for YOU

because that much YOU OWE YOURSELF.