Let's talk about my recent encounter with this haunting deadly sin... I started working two jobs after my move to the country known for harnessing more drama than reality TV and for making dreams a reality, I seem to have turned this blessing into an excuse to avoid doing a lot of things. I've forcibly acknowledged my wonderful efforts to persistently do absolutely everything last minute. Now this is a trait I'm very familiar with because those stripes have never changed, but it just feels as though it is now in full effect. For example, two days ago I worked until 11pm and I was due to start again the following day at 4pm I refuse to leave the bed till 3pm unless I'm needed at my other job and the excuse I'm tired kept presenting itself when in all honesty I'm far from it. See I seem to think the problem lies within the small things like doing absolutely nothing for the majority of my day or referring to the ideals of exhaustion because of working a million consecutive days in a row but it's not. The real issue lies within my persistent need to use work (jobs I actually don't intend on keeping) to hinder me from taking care of business I actually need to carry out. At the start of the year, I faced a crisis, I remember feeling so unfulfilled and lacking in productivity despite working 7 days a week and it was purely because I was not pursuing anything I was passionate about... I feel as though history is repeating itself.
I have so many things that NEEDS to be done, so many goals and desires to pursue and for the life of me I can't seem to pinpoint why I'm preventing myself from stepping into the kitchen. I'm made of heat - this should be a piece of cake. But it begs the question have I lost my fire. I keep thinking about this blog and when I rebooted it - I wrote strangers in the new, there was such passion, this eternal flame that no amount of doubt could put out so why did I allow myself to act as an eclipse. I'm not doing anything I really desire - acting is on hold because of my excuses or lack of exertion; my approach to writing music has drastically changed and I think that's a battle within itself; and I haven't done a thing about kick starting my podcast after gathering my equipment on numerous accounts I've proceeded to no avail. It's strange because my brother and I have this motto - JUST DO IT (some would say we stole it from Nike and put it to good use), yet I fail to live up to it in these testing times. On another note shout out to my brother, he is doing some incredible thing and he has some wonderful material for you to delve spirit-deep into, find him on http://mohasan.net and also on his instagram page at Mo Hasan 92 - HE DELIVERS WHAT THE SOUL ORDERS, you will truly get a worthy serving!
Now this message is for you Akil... See this post as an intervention. This message contains love and motivation deriving from the soul of several people who wants you to succeed. All the sacrifices you've made, sweat and tears you can account for has brought you to this point. And no one knows how much effort you've placed into trying to excel beyond what life has granted you so listen to me, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS GLUM PLACE YOU FIND YOURSELF IN AND GET BACK TO REALLY WORKING TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT! YOU DESERVE THE BEST SO PURSUE TO ACHIEVE THAT AND BEYOND! AND START TO WORK ON YOURSELF MAN - EMBRACE CHANGE LIKE YOU'RE KNOWN TO DO BUT ALSO STOMP THIS SIN TO DEATH, IT DOESN'T BELONG IN YOUR SPIRIT - JUST DO IT! WE'RE ALL HERE FOR YOU!
P.S. People if I have not been in touch with you lately, in my defense (shout out to Iggy's sophomore album), I been so focused on getting my focus back on me, and sorting out this body of mess so it can be reinstated amongst the long line of masterpieces, that unscheduled communication hasn't felt very needed to me... I'm sorry, blame it on the laziness! Apologies to my mom and sis the most, forgive me.
