I always knew I would be in New York someday writing a piece I would remember till the end of my days. I always pictured writing it on a rooftop overlooking a portion of the city that would make me utter the words "THIS IS SO NEW YORK BABY!". I fantasized (yeah let's use that word haha) many times about writing many pieces in this GREAT city as I gleefully suffer from Carrie Bradshaw syndrome (you know what I mean) - inspirational but risque - quite salacious but only in the metaphorical sense - after all I do have a good boy status to uphold, hahaaaha. Though this is not a rooftop, I am 24 stories of the ground overlooking Ms beautiful New York herself, with a glass of champagne to my left, feet up, on the first day of yet again another optimistic year, about to write you something magical so I guess we should both feel blessed right?!? That's rhetorical btw lol. Point is fantasy do come through. So here we go, what can I say about you New York!
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It's been 4 nights here in the Big Apple and I received a very astonishing and unwarranted realization whilst on the 80th floor of the Empire state building. There I was looking out over the city, admiring the lights that are desperately trying to swallow the city's darkness and I felt it - the feeling of being lost. At first I thought it related to the city itself you know, as though all the cultures that have woven themselves into the mix along with the constant architectural developments has somehow tricked the city into feeling as though it's lost its initial essence but the truth is it was in regards to the people. From the sky it seemed as though the city had devoured all life form and it dawned on me this is the city to come to when you want to get lost, or simply feel invisible. Even whilst walking around Times Square amongst very, very few souls (thanks to the fear of covid), I still felt invisible, as though there was a bubble around each cluster that converse with each other.
To you this may be a sad thing but to me it's probably the definition of a dream come true. See I realized when I was younger, the times I've felt most comfortable in my skin is when I'm walking through the most seemingly deserted territories or when I'm in the corner of a dark room with nothing but my thoughts. Unfortunately, over time a lot has changed, maybe it started with the crack of the door to that dark room letting just a preview of light in or the sight of possible life on one of those deserted streets but somehow I was enticed by change. And then it happened, like New York city I'm consumed by more than I can handle. Despite the apparent beauty of one's growth so many mistakes have been made along the way. I grew to accept the lights I've let into my world, I accepted all the clarity that came with embracing changes, I accepted the fact that I'll never look in the mirror and truly feel like I know this person I'm looking at, but most of all I accepted the fact that I now feel found or better yet visible. See the thing you should know about me is the light brings clarity but it doesn't bring joy or genuine self assurance, I only knew myself, and I mean truly knew myself and loved the person I was when I was surrounded by darkness, lost between carriages in my train of thoughts, forgetting humanity had opinions thanks to the blank walls surrounding my sanity. Anyway back to New York!
There I was amongst others looking out from one of the tallest point in the city and despite the breathtakingly beautiful view all I was seeing was how much of the city hasn't been exposed to the light! And in that moment I understood why I felt that feeling of 'lost'. I think in order for me to find that vessel my soul ripped itself from just to taste the wonders of this world, I HAVE TO MOVE TO NEW YORK! I was informed that after the Twin towers was hit, it was built back and is now known as The Freedom tower, so maybe that's what we should title this year, 'The year of liberation'. Sometimes, something colossal need to takes place for us to know in our hearts without an ounce of doubt what needs to be done to progress. I think what I'm saying is don't let fear be your guide in life, let revelations, inclines and your instincts steer your way and no matter how ludicrous your decision may seem stand behind them because maybe doors you can't even fathom will begin to open. Trust your decisions and make the most of every footstep that follows.
I wish this tale was one about New York's fashion, beautiful sites or it's spontaneous promiscuous nightlife but it's just a tale about how another person have been saved by an apple (like Adam and Eve was in my opinion). NOW THAT'S AN APPLE SHOT! New York, NEW YORK I guess you're the next city on my slaughter list, I'll be seeing you real soon kid.
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